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18WT 017: In this
episode we begin with Patrick giving Janet crap as usual. This time about her hair, she laughs him off
and says it is good enough for her. They
jump in and ask for reviews and thumbs up on YouTube.
tells a snappy joke about Janet needing a Wambulance before they even get into
today’s subject. As they both say
Mother’s Day, well, Janet says Mom’s day and Patrick insists that she says
Namaste’. Thus the adventure begins,
Ahhhmmm Namaste. Mum’s day is May 9th
this year it is coming up really quick this year. They are talking about gifts for Mom this
year. They came up with an incredibly
special list this time.
This list is
what Not to buy your Mom for Mother’s Day and they are getting right to it
right off the bat. Patrick wants to say
it, but somehow Janet jumps the gun and says it for him. The absolute worst gift that either of them
as ever heard of was given by a husband to his wife who was a new Mother. He gave her “Nipple soothing Cream”. To which Patrick replies that he likes
And thus the
party begins. Janet points out in a
horrified stern voice that this is not a gift, this is a “if her nipples hurt,
go out and buy it for her dude”, never a Mother’s Day or holiday gift.
We come back
briefly as they remind us about the breast cancer awareness shirts. They discuss donating ½ of the profits to
breast cancer or cancer awareness. There
are three shirt choices. At firstname.lastname@example.org you can email Patrick directly through the link on any page
of the website to send him your story about cancer. Janet reminds Patrick that there are other
types of cancer, not just bread cancer.
Wait, what? It is such a sad
story. Yes, she stumbled on her tongue
and said bread cancer, instead of breast cancer. If you have a story to share with them, tag
the show with #18WT. Patrick is good at
replying on social media, which briefly rings up how Janet’s Dad always asked
if she was Twitting.
Back to the
gifts, the worst gift Patrick ever got his Mom was a fake turd. Luckily, she opened the real gift, a nice
calendar clock for her work desk before she threw the turd at him. The clock was a home run of a gift and
Patrick was thankful for that. She
expected the gag gift because his family does gag gifts that are taped to death
all the time. His father Charles is the
King of gag gifts. This brings up
getting a quart of oil as a gift and Patrick brings up using a straw to put it in
the car with. His sister has done this,
but Janet is confident she will not hear this, so all is good. Patrick jokes a bit more about his sister and
brings up episode #14 where her husband Larry was a guest. Janet asks for an up thumb as Patrick asks
for any comment. Patrick gets all potty
mouth on them, Janet attempts to clean him up.
Namaste, Namaste, Momma’s Day, she tells him to sip, not gulp the drink.
them to number one on the list of not to buy!
Self-help audio book or downloads.
Do not buy Mom a self-help book, this is not a Mother’s Day gift. Patrick asks Janet what the worst gift she
received was. Her reply was an iron,
years ago she received an iron. And
although she loves neat and tidy clothes, she did not appreciate the gift of an
iron to keep her ex’s uniform neat. He
apparently thought if he bought her an iron his uniform would look as good as
her always did. She thought the iron
would look better on the side of his head on the floor. She then continued about she is not a violent
person, and we are talking cartoon character, just like Patrick’s favorite
cartoon character, Wiley Coyote. The
peanut gallery pipes up….
also received the next gift as Patrick talks about suck starting a Harley with
a vacuum. Janet has received a cleaning
kit that had lint rollers, a vacuum, Pinesol, a bucket and more. She says, yay
what the best gift he has given her on his behalf and the pug’s behalf. She thinks of all the jewelry, which is a
given and Patrick rings up the shirts.
He buys her the nicest clothes she says.
She loves the razor-back shirts and the one’s she cannot remember the
name of that show the shoulders and have sleeves. Patrick sings “welcome back”, Janet joins in
with the right tune and the wrong words, even singing “I don’t know the words
to this song”. To which they both laugh
because Janet can make anything into a song.
Shoes, shirts, Jewelry, Harley time, Pool time and Janet jokes about
putting her shoes on Patrick in his sleep.
To which he swears again, he claims all truckers swear. Not Janet’s Dad, she heard her Mom swear once,
she said damn it.
Patrick thought Janet was talking about a salon tool, she was talking about
garage tools. A Dremel, an actual Dremel. Unless your woman is really into tools and
working on things with power tools, garage tools are out. Patrick says the next item she really
loves. But there are exceptions on
buying this for your wife or Mother.
Patrick is looking at Kitchen appliances, she is still on garage
tools. Somehow this brings up guns and
ammo. Janet says you do not need a
holiday to buy guns and ammo for her.
She does a shameless plug asking for donations for money for guns and
ammo. Patrick laughs and agrees.
kitchen appliances, if your woman is really into gourmet cooking, then it is
all good to buy her that new appliance she wants. Otherwise she will see a chore.
Next up is
makeup. This is a 110% no! You have to know absolutely what your woman
like for color, brand, type, everything.
Their pug Cailin a.k.a. Frankie agrees.
You have to know basic things like does she use for instance liquid base
or mineral or stick base? And which
shade for which time of year? That is
just the beginning on makeup. So guys,
avoid it like the plague unless you truly know these things. Or she gave you and exact shopping list!
gift is only ok, if given by children, it for the most part is not good when
given by adults. I owe You notes or handmade
gift coupon books. When the husband gave
the wife a coupon book for, “I will take you car and get it washed, I will go
fill your car with gas”, what a lazy ass.
adult gives them, it is entirely different.
If you are 100% broke, it is better than nothing. For newlyweds it is cute. Most of the time adult gift coupons tend to
be a bit more “adult oriented”, lol…
When children give them, they are cute,
things like “good for one breakfast in bed”.
Because everyone like children to make crunchy eggs, pancakes with gummy
worms or gum drops in them as Janet and Patrick discuss. Their pugs have great taste n ordering
breakfast for Janet. Starbugs or
Blackrock coffee, Dunkin, or Krispy Crème donuts or from the “Gourmet” Mom
& Pop donut shop; that is really just a mom & pop shop with the best
donuts in the valley at the Northeast corner of baseline & Dobson in Mesa.
takes a quick break, there are a few laughs and then we are on to socks and
underwear. Air quotes about underwear,
do not buy sexy underwear for your wife for Mother’s Day, it is for the
husband. And don’t dare buy old lady
underwear as a gift. Underwear is also
one of those things that is not a gift, it is a necessity.
Socks as well are not a gift, unless you are
like Janet, the thicker the socks, the fuzzier the sock the better. Now those types of socks are a gift, at least
for her they are. Of course this leads
to more teasing by Patrick. Just more of
that special magic that they have, like Janet hitting Patrick on air. She talks with her hands and cusses in
Italian at Patrick. They move on to
some more laughter, yes of course more laughter, they get on to the subject of
slippers. Normal people would not want
slippers as a gift. However, maybe your
woman, Mother of your children or your Mother, has a light heart and a sense of
humor. If so, then look for those crazy
fuzzy slippers. This is were Janet
points out that she can fit into kids’ slippers. Little boys’ size 6 and loves the Monster
feet, or caveman feet or animal slippers and superhero one’s and oh yes, light
They move on
to light up shoes and how they want some.
Patrick agrees and they move onto wouldn’t it be nice to have the money
of Kobe Bryant (R.I.P.) or Michael Jordan and design your own light up
shoes. Patrick wants one of them to be
his uncle. Janet points out that he is
the wrong shade of black for that, he is white in fact. Patrick’s Birthday is Friday which brought up
some teasing that Janet’s brother David did on Patrick’s behalf while out on a
tells how the three of them went for a ride on their motorcycles and stopped to
have a coke an American Legion. His had
too much ice in it and he managed to spill it, on himself of course. David said that you can’t dress these kids up
and take them anywhere. From Mesa to
Fountain Hills to Cave Creek to home with David being tour guide. Patrick and Janet both agreed that they had a
blast, saw a lot of beautiful scenery, and look forward to the next ride.
Back to the
list, but first Patrick’s Birthday wish is for anyone listening to go to iTunes
or Podchaser (Podchaser is giving 25cents for every review this month to meals
on wheels. Double for a response. Link is at 18wheeltalk.com). It is very easy to find, very easy to rate,
review. Their number one fan Shirley
follows, listens and is a great person who shares us too! She also got them a new listener in her
friend that they will shout out next time.
They think her name is Elizabeth but will get it right for sure next
The next one
Janet got as a gift one year, when she tipped the scale at about 140. She laughs about her 5’8” frame needing those
products now, but not then. He called
her a fat ass. Anyway, even if she asks
for them, DO NOT buy a woman Diet Products for Mother’s Day. It will bite you in the ass, along with
fitness products like a treadmill, weights, or a gym membership.
Patrick he is going to need the next gift when she smacks the wrinkles into
him. They laugh about his seasoned
wrinkles. Janet calls him a bully pup, a
pup because of her brother, a bully because of his sister.
continue with Janet saying she wants to reverse the next gift and the last
gift. They discuss things that are
labeled #1 or #best. Like #1Mom,
#BestGrandma. They don’t want to wear
the same shirt from Walmart that all of their friends got from their kids.
the last gift is cheesy, Patrick says it says you don’t care. A plain generic gift card like Visa or MasterCard. If you live across country like they do from
Patrick’s parents, you can still buy specific gift cards. For instance, they buy a gift card for
Applebee’s, put it in a card and have flowers (like 1800flowers.com) or an
edible arrangement sent. They sent a
card for a restaurant they would take his parents to if they lived nearby.
brings up that sometimes you need to buy a Visa or MasterCard gift card for
stores that do not offer their own.
Patrick and Janet sent his father one last year with a note to please
enjoy at Harbor Freight. Then they
realize that they may be able to buy a gift card at the local Harbor Freight
and mail it to him this year. Or True
Value Hardware, this of course makes Patrick wonder if the one back home is
open. Janet lets him know it isn’t.
thing they say about this list is pay attention to what you buy for Mom or
Mother of your kids for Mother’s Day. There is a list of their Top Ten (ish)
favorite gifts to give.
So if you
are broke, Janet says, here is what you do.
When she was in her twenties and broke.
She spent the day with her Mom, she came over and they went to Mass and
then she cooked Sunday dinner and cleaned house and did the windows and
yardwork and just helped out in anything her Mom needed done. Then they spent time together out on the
patio. That is the best gift you can
give, time together. Especially if you
Mom is getting older, all she probably wants is to see you. Janet brings up what a great son her brother
David always was to their Mother (Father too).
He always came over and did any maintenance that was needed from in
ground sprinkler installation to working on the swamp cooler and central air to
helping with fencing and the cactus. He
did all of this, not because of holiday’s but because this was our Mother. She obviously cares greatly for him. She brings up her sister (may she also rest
in peace like their parents), and how she came to their Mother’s as much as she
could, even with a house full of kids.
continue with talk about if you are broke go see your parents, video chat if
you can’t. Appreciate your parents.
Janet how many gifts they have on the Top Ten List to Buy. Janet says she has about ten, it is a
variety. Aimed at women of all walks of
life to give people ideas. Click on the
links to check them out.
would love reviews, stars, and Hello’s for his Birthday this year. He reminds everyone of the BIG GIVEAWAY. Click on the tab, vote for your favorite mug,
there will be twenty winners. Each
person that voted for the winning mug will be put in the drawing for a mug and
So they end
with Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Mommy’s Day, Happy Namaste, and some chatter
about being loco.
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