Podcast Audio Player
They laugh about height hair and Bart & Marge Simpson hair. She doesn’t want to change her hair color for Marge, plus she has Bart’s voice, kinda sorta. She has a Bart caught in her throat and coughs him out. Janet’s day has been very busy, she is usually up for hours before Patrick gets up. As she puts it, they have a system; he goes to bed and two hours later she gets up. He lays down a disclaimer, but we know the truth when we hear it.
She officially got up at 6:30 am, he officially went to bed at 2:57 am; ah-hah, he was caught napping! She was caught red-shirted, but wonders where Kyle gets it from, staying up all night. He blames it on nightwork for his whole career. But he went on days in January, and this is six months later, and he knows where to find sympathy. It is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. She got mad yolks he says, she says it is because she bought eggs this week. She then points out he worked mornings in N.Y, he argues the point.
She bobs and weaves her head at him as he says girlfriend and she says he is preaching to the choir. He says he hasn’t had to get out of bed in 6 months and then he attempts to slide past it. That didn’t work because he got her dander up; so she tells him what is what in that voice. She hasn’t had to get up and go to work in over twelve years. She hasn’t had to get up by an alarm clock since January 15, 2009, but she does get up in the morning and do things and take care of their house. So she tells him if she can get her ass out of bed so can he. He says he has been better; she agrees that when he goes to bed on time he does.
So he says it has been twelve years, and a half she says, fun-fun, they agree. Remember when you used to drive tractor trailer he asks. Of course she does, so, truck drivers he states, do not call cars, cars. They call them four-wheelers, which can be a car or a pickup or anything not a semi.
So, Patrick continues, you are driving down the road on a highway, and a four-wheeler cuts you off. What is the first thing you would say? She doesn’t want to be the first to throw the F-bomb. He swears and says, out with it, what do you say?
She says it depends on when and where, she asks city or out on a highway. He says on a highway, an interstate and a four-wheeler cuts you the fuck off because they need to be in that space more than you. What do you say? She says asshole, fucking asshole or dumb asshole. He says the four-wheeler cut you the fuck off to get off at an exit.
She points out that if you are in a city, like Phoenix Chicago, etc., you can be on a highway and still be in the city and that is an entirely different situation, because then her niceness goes out the window. He then says rush hour traffic in a city, cut off by a four-wheeler. She says she usually goes with stupid asshole, dumb asshole; she tries and puts herself in other people’s shoes. But believe her there were times it wasn’t always that way.
She explains about a truck in Chicago that tried cutting her off actually getting her to move over or stop so he could get in. He had barrels on his left and a sign three miles back that said lane ends, merge right. Well he didn’t and tried at the end to get her to, but she couldn’t just stop and let him in and traffic to her right was bumper to bumper. He kept trying to merge into he drive axle and wen she didn’t move he kept going until he ran into the barrels and cop behind them. She, (because traffic then stopped), offered to pull off and give the officer her info. He didn’t need it; it was all on his dash camera. The cop wrote him tickets. She laughed at that memory.
The reason why he asked she thought was to see how many times he could get her to cuss. It was actually because he posted this question on a group for driver’s on Facebook. That got 269 responses and 2 shares. Patrick printed some of the responses. The most popular was “starts with C ends with unt”. Janet likes “when I was a driver, I remember talking to them like babies. I would say ohhh nooo little ones, don’t do that, be careful. (in a sweet soft voice) no, no, no, don’t do that and shake my head.” Janet says, that’s a woman driver she guarantees!
So they continue to go through some of the favorite responses: Man don’t get your shit tore up; fuck you and a big ‘ole highway horn. (they go off and explain that the highway horn is the airhorn, it is loud, and some cities do not allow it. Most drivers will use it if cut off anyway. City horns are the little beep beep on the steering wheel for backing up.)
And back to the comments, have a nice day somewhere else; after 32 years it is just part of the job. Janet points out that is how her Dad was and asks how many times Patrick heard her Dad swear. He replies never but he knows he was cussing in his mind. They argue the point, Janet insists that her family was not brought up to cuss. Be polite to people, always try and think about walking in their shoes, maybe the four-wheeler cutting you off really is in a hurry.
Maybe there is a woman having a baby in that car. Janet truly believes that Patrick doesn’t understand how much her family doesn’t swear. The generation below might (might not) but siblings and parents, no. Patrick once again gets her dander up over this. They laugh about the woman having the baby when she sees the grill of a semi, but Janet reiterates that she does try to be nice because she does hear her Dad in her head telling her to be nice to people because you do not know what they are going through.
Back to the comments: Atta boy jackass; how’s your insurance; someone wants to die???? Janet inhales deeply over that one. Another person says “really” while cursing under their breath while slowing down and carrying on.
The next one Janet does not understand right away so Patrick goes back and explains it to her. “one of two things: 1) I hope your kids forget how to read. 2) I hope your dog isn’t excited when you get home” It’s like a curse, Janet’s favorite “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the loins of your descendants for a thousand years”
People, that want to merge…really? What the hell are you trying to do, intimidate me? Kiss my bumper
There were a couple of female truck driver’s that put:
Next: you better move cause I am not taking my foot out of it; you asked for it; guess who’s in a hurry; prick. Oh and “I can’t stop on a dime, but I can stop on a Chevy” or as Janet says, a Ford.
Everybody up front! Next is one Janet is guilty of: “all the bad words I know in English and Spanish” she adds Greek to that and if she adds every language she knows. Patrick says she is busted.
“hope your insurance is up to date”
What never fails to amaze Janet is that a four-wheeler looks at their car and look at a semi and thinks “oh we stop in the same amount of time, right? So they left turn and discuss stopping times and distances and blind spots
She asks about backing into a loading dock and some dumb ass driving behind her after she has already gotten out and checked and was in the truck in reverse. She then goes on to discuss talking with her niece who is in truck driving school. The discussion goes on to fender mirrors. Janet hates them, she felt they interfere with forward visual more than helping with backing.
So they return to the stop on a dime discussion and Patrick explains that it takes two football fields for a truck to stop. Janet says people are stupid and do not know how long a football field is in real life. She explains that he should get the next one since he is a motorcycle rider.
People cannot put into context how slow a truck stops and the length of two football fields. They can put into context a motorcycle stopping suddenly in front of them and having to swerve to keep from hitting them. People get that and she then says multiply that feeling, that movement by ten. Now you know how a trucker feels. You were too close to the biker and rear-ended the biker. You got into the trucker’s blind spot and got run over by the truck.
Patrick discusses getting a failure to follow at a safe distance in N.Y. even though he was going under the speed limit. The cop gave him the ticket because the roads were wet, and he should have known better.
So Janet explains that if you ever looked down at your phone and looked up and the car you were following is right there, that is the feeling the trucker feels when you cut them off. Patrick goes on to discuss the 6-second rule for cars. If you can see the entire truck in your center review mirror, then it is safe to move back over. If you are following a truck and can see them in their mirror, they can see you.
So, other comments….must have a death wish? Janet likes death wish coffee and the movie death wish.
Better get the fuck away from me before I stick this truck so far up your ass that you’ll be coughing up coolant for a week; muffler patch; I smile with my middle finger (ticket able offense in Europe) as they laugh Janet tells Patrick it is offensive everywhere.
Keep on and I’ll stamp Peterbilt in your forehead; are we doing this, right now? That is so Patrick!
I’m sorry, am I in our way? You just made it to YouTube, as I press the dashcam to record. That brings on a brief discussion on YouTube trucker videos.
I laugh and wave; thanks for leaving on my hood
Think of your kids in the backseat, a cup of coffee in your hand, you spill your coffee and hit the brakes, it just happens. Now imagine that happened when you cut off a truck.
They go on to discuss how everyone should have to at least take the written test for a class A cdl test, to make people aware. Also having a few million people in the jump-seat.
Patrick goes on to tell how his boss in N.Y. made a smartass comment about his driving and then did a ride-a-long with him. They went to a hospital that was a drop-and-switch trailer. But a one-way street, going the wrong way, a water truck blocking the road, he had to go on the sidewalk to get into the dock. Multiple trucks blocking the dock as well.
He as usual got the job done without blocking anyone in and left his boss speechless.
Back to the subject…
Fuckin s.o.b.; Darwin award; Sumbitch; Fucktard; Another one taking a shortcut to hell.
Some new comments, I hope you get three flats; crash and burn; forgive them father; mother-trucker; I would tell but I would get put in Facebook jail.
It was a fun post a walk down memory lane, but please stop and think so that people don’t get injured.
There are some laughs about legally driving and Patrick questions the here and there of when Janet drove. She makes an easy question very hard, but 18 or so years. Then she rambles on very fast about a deuce-and-a-half and guns and the Army. Patrick tells her to breath.
Patrick drove for about 30 years and Janet’s Dad drove from 13 years until about 86. Patrick calls it over the border. Janet laughs a lot about that one. They both miss him and a smile at the memory. Patrick tells of his one accident in a garbage truck since the guy on back wasn’t spotting and that was his one and done. Janet’s one and done was not her fault.
Final note if you drive a car or ride a motorcycle, please stay out of the bubble. You are not seen unless you are in the mirror by him/her. Keep your distance people.
They briefly discuss talking about loads being strapped down and how animals do move.
Save the boobies too!